Music on this page is:
"Old Dog Tray"
From: The Music of Stephen Collins Foster
PLAY THIS MUSIC!
An Ode to Dogs
If you can start the day without caffeine,
If you can get going without pep pills,
If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it, and can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,
If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without
resentment, can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him, can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend, can face the world without lies and deceit, can conquer tension without medical help, can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, and can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or
Then, my friend, you are almost as good as your dog!
Mind Games to Play With A Human
1. After YOUR humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU!!!! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself on the sheets. This is especially good if it is before bedtime.
2. Act like a convicted criminal! When they come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, your chin down and act as if you have done something REALLY REALLY bad. Then watch as YOUR humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (CAUTION: This only works when you have done absolutely NOTHING wrong!)
3. Let YOUR humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. When humans try to demonstrate it to their human guests, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they are talking about. Attempting to bribe you with cookies is usually an added bonus.
4. Make humans be patient. Patience is a virtue. When you go outside to 'pee,' sniff around the entire yard as YOUR humans WAIT, especially in the COLD, RAINY weather. Act as though the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the world.
5. Draw attention to YOUR humans. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go POOP! Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if YOUR humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
6. When out for a walk, alternate between choking, coughing, tripping and whining every time a strange human walks by. This will ensure you will get the FULL LEAD without the 'heeling' stuff.
7. Hide from YOUR humans. When humans come home don't greet them at the door. Instead, HIDE from them and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of YOUR humans is panic-stricken and close to tears.) This may sound a bit cruel, but its a GUARANTEED treat....they'll be so happy to see you.....they'll give you ANYTHING!!!!!
8. When YOUR humans call you to come inside, ALWAYS take your time, walk as SLOWLY as possible back to the door. We have a SPECIAL mission here to TEACH humans PATIENCE!!
9. Wake up 20 minutes early before the alarm clock is set to go off and make YOUR humans, take you out for your morning potty. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them NUTS!)
10. ALWAYS, remember the Limp, Limp, Whine, Whine, Whine routine. No matter what you have done (ate the roast, chewed the couch, etc.), no matter how loud YOUR humans are yelling, when you do the Limp, Limp, Whine, Whine, routine, you are OFF the hook. This along with BLINKING your BIG BROWN eyes in SUFFERING through LOVING ADORATION will GUARANTEE leftovers from dinner and a COMFY place on YOUR humans' bed at night.
11. Always cuddle and play with the cat in front of YOUR humans. Then, at night when you're UNOBSERVED, do what all NORMAL dogs do. In the morning, YOUR humans will blame that DAMN DOG DOWN the STREET. Be especially careful to HIDE ALL fur balls you happen to cough up the next morning.
12. Finally and most importantly for all male dogs, when YOUR humans talk about neutering you, make sure you STARE POINTEDLY at YOUR male human's crotch and LICK your chops. In most cases this will ENSURE you remain intact..
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons." -- James Thurber
Wellness Tips We Can Learn From Dogs
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
Let others know when they've invaded your territory
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience
Take naps and stretch before rising
Run, romp and play daily
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm
Never pretend to be something you're not
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them... gently
Thrive on attention and let people touch you
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do
On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." -- Unknown
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." -- Gene Hill
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